Life Goes On

So I have cancer and now what?

The world didn't stop for me to grieve over this new found piece of information. Parker still had to go to school. Jim still had to go to work. Meals still needed to be prepared and clothes washed.

However for me things did slow down. I pondered things I had pondered before. Mentally I took a break. I didn't schedule myself so full. I couldn't. I didn't know how to plan to my life or what was in store for me.

Here is a picture of me getting ready to nap with my cat. When life get crummy, I like to sleep. And I love having my kitties cuddle up next to me.

I remember getting mad at my body for letting me down. I took the test on WebMd to see if I was a candidate for cancer. No I had done everything they tell you to do. I was not obese, I didn't drink or do drugs. I had given birth before I was 30. I breast fed my children. I usually had some form of exercise going on in my life. I saw my doctor on a regular basis ( and now in hindsight this was the best thing I could do, keep those appointments just to be checked out) In my most recent history I had stopped eating most fatty foods and processed foods, mainly because they gave me indigestion. It was not worth the pleasure of having those foods to be followed by the pain that would follow after consuming them.

I went off the deep end a little bit, eating as much sweets as I was able to to make up for that "good" food I had been filling myself up. I remembered an email about all those ladies on the titanic that skipped dessert only to find out the boat sank that night. I needed to live for the moment, cause I was feeling that some of my moment's were being taken away from me.

I cried and spent much time pondering my future. But then I got it out of my system. I was a strong woman. I have 2 boys who need me and I can take this on head one. I decided that maybe I was better able to handle this challenge I had been given at this time in my life. I decided to fight it head on.

I must share with you part of a priesthood blessing that I received shortly after being diagnosed. I was promised that my life would not be cut short to fulfill any of the duties Heavenly Father had in store for me. I take one of my duties as to raising my boys. This gave me great peace and comfort. Not that this experience will be a picnic in the park, but it won't kill me.

I took some time to sew myself an apron. An Apron that I am still enjoying using as I am cooking or cleaning up for my family. I put off the laundry for a short while to do something for myself. Something I need to do more of.



The waiting game is part of the hardest part of dealing with cancer. I would talk to so many well intentioned friends and I had so little information to share. So much was dependent on the results from surgery. I didn't have a lot of answers. There were more tests to be run, then follow up appointments to get those results. The surgeon was very knowledgeable, but also on a schedule. One had to be prepared to have the questions you wanted to discuss. Even then he was just the guy the concentrates on the cutting. He has limited knowledge on chemotherapy or radiation. Those are left to the oncologists.

Finally I get through the first month. What a roller coaster is has been and continues to be. I am finally scheduled for surgery, Friday Feb 4, 2011.