Life Goes On

So I have cancer and now what?

The world didn't stop for me to grieve over this new found piece of information. Parker still had to go to school. Jim still had to go to work. Meals still needed to be prepared and clothes washed.

However for me things did slow down. I pondered things I had pondered before. Mentally I took a break. I didn't schedule myself so full. I couldn't. I didn't know how to plan to my life or what was in store for me.

Here is a picture of me getting ready to nap with my cat. When life get crummy, I like to sleep. And I love having my kitties cuddle up next to me.

I remember getting mad at my body for letting me down. I took the test on WebMd to see if I was a candidate for cancer. No I had done everything they tell you to do. I was not obese, I didn't drink or do drugs. I had given birth before I was 30. I breast fed my children. I usually had some form of exercise going on in my life. I saw my doctor on a regular basis ( and now in hindsight this was the best thing I could do, keep those appointments just to be checked out) In my most recent history I had stopped eating most fatty foods and processed foods, mainly because they gave me indigestion. It was not worth the pleasure of having those foods to be followed by the pain that would follow after consuming them.

I went off the deep end a little bit, eating as much sweets as I was able to to make up for that "good" food I had been filling myself up. I remembered an email about all those ladies on the titanic that skipped dessert only to find out the boat sank that night. I needed to live for the moment, cause I was feeling that some of my moment's were being taken away from me.

I cried and spent much time pondering my future. But then I got it out of my system. I was a strong woman. I have 2 boys who need me and I can take this on head one. I decided that maybe I was better able to handle this challenge I had been given at this time in my life. I decided to fight it head on.

I must share with you part of a priesthood blessing that I received shortly after being diagnosed. I was promised that my life would not be cut short to fulfill any of the duties Heavenly Father had in store for me. I take one of my duties as to raising my boys. This gave me great peace and comfort. Not that this experience will be a picnic in the park, but it won't kill me.

I took some time to sew myself an apron. An Apron that I am still enjoying using as I am cooking or cleaning up for my family. I put off the laundry for a short while to do something for myself. Something I need to do more of.



The waiting game is part of the hardest part of dealing with cancer. I would talk to so many well intentioned friends and I had so little information to share. So much was dependent on the results from surgery. I didn't have a lot of answers. There were more tests to be run, then follow up appointments to get those results. The surgeon was very knowledgeable, but also on a schedule. One had to be prepared to have the questions you wanted to discuss. Even then he was just the guy the concentrates on the cutting. He has limited knowledge on chemotherapy or radiation. Those are left to the oncologists.

Finally I get through the first month. What a roller coaster is has been and continues to be. I am finally scheduled for surgery, Friday Feb 4, 2011.

The Phone call that changed my life

January 4, 2011

This is the day I was expecting the results from a breast biopsy. Here is how the phone call went that has since changed my life.

Me: Hello Dr Wertz
Dr: Yes
Me: I am returning your phone call about my test results.
Dr: Well the biopsy came back as cancer. Do you have any family history?
Me: No, so what happens now?
Dr: Do you know any surgeons?
Me: No, Can you recommend one?
Dr: No I don't recommend surgeons, It wouldn't be fair to send all my patients to a few surgeons. Who ordered the biopsy?
Me: My Ob's office.
Dr: I would call them for a recommendation.
Me: What am I going to have done?
Dr: Well the surgeon will look at the results and go over your options, either a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.

This was about 6 months ago and that is what I remember.

Rewind to April 2010.
I go into my OB's office for a routine visit. The doctor found a lump on my right breast. He tells me it should go away, but if it doesn't to come back. Well I dragged my feet and life got in the way. My husband Jim kept getting on me to go back. He would say have you called the doctor?

December 2010

I call the OB office to set up an appointment. They are able to get in right away. I see the nurse practitioner. She agrees the lump is still there. It is about the same size and in the same location as before. She wants to run some tests to see what is going on. I am scheduled for my first mammogram at 34 followed by a sonogram.

I go for the mammogram and sonogram. The sonogram tech finds a second lump. It was not detectable from the outside.

The doctor's office calls me back and they could not get enough information from the 2 tests. Now they want to do a biopsy.

I go in for the biopsy. I am told I will have my results on Jan 4.

That is the history in a nut shell.

So after I get off the phone with the Dr, I call my mom. She doesn't have good service. I call the OB's office. At this point it is late in the day and they can't help me. I have to wait until the next day to get any information. I call Jim. I text Lisa. I tell my mom. She agrees to tell my family. I call Sue, she agrees to tell the family. At this point I have so little information. All I know I have a lump that turned out to cancerous. I don't know what stage it was, I don't know if I have to go through chemo or radiation. I don't know anything.

I want to talk about this experience, but want to break it up. To Be continued....

Christmas 2010

The Season started out with Jim's work party. The dress for this event was semi formal. I debated and shopped and shopped and to find something to wear. I got this blouse and wore it with a skirt I already had. I insisted that Jim wear his tie with Santa at the computer. He got many compliments on the tie. After we got to the event, (the scarf wasn't staying in place 2 silky fabrics next to each other and my hair was bugging me) I switched things around. Plus now you can see my cute purse that I got.
The food was delicious. Wine was included with dinner, this was something new for us. Of course we declined and stuck to our water. Afterwards we played minute to win it. Then a DJ was provided for the rest of the evening. We had so much fun.

Our fire department has a pot luck Christmas party each year. The Ladies Auxiliary get the names and ages of all the kids that will be attending and then purchases a small gift from Santa for each child. Our boys were very excited to see Santa and even willing to sit on his lap.
The next event was my mother's Christmas Eve party. She has moved the party time upto a late afternoon, which gives us time to travel back to our house and have Christmas morning at our house with our own little family. No pictures from the event, but we enjoyed plenty of good food, visiting with close family friends and the white elephant exchange. As we returned home we are greeted by the paper bag luminaries inviting all the locals to Christmas Eve Service.

A tradition that we have started is everyone gets new pajamas for Christmas Eve. However our boys were wore out from the festivities earlier in the day and fell asleep in the car on the ride home. Buzz light year for Parker, Lightening McQueen for Preston, something pink for Mom and something plaid for Dad.

We had an enjoyable day to our selves. I made a nice meal, the boys played with their new toys.
Someone should tell the cats to look at the camera and say cat nip.

After Christmas, I had volunteered to dog sit Emily the poodle for a friend. We were very excited to have her visit for a week while her owners were out of town. It took her a few days to for us to get used to her and her used to us. We enjoyed having her. She loved me. She followed me everywhere I went.

A new tradition we have started is taking the boys to see the lights at Lakefront Park. They take the amusement park and let local businesses decorate a spot with lights. It is kind of commercialized (everyone has their name in there somewhere), but the boys really enjoy it. This year we included Aunt Rebecca, Grandma, Aunt Courtney and the cousins to come with us. We met for dinner at Applebees, followed by a train ride at the mall, then the lights and train museum. We had a fun time and hope to be able to do it again next year.

During Christmas break we took the boys bowling. They had so much fun and have been asking since to go again. The place we went to was really child friendly. They had a ramp that kids could use to launch the ball and plenty of light weight balls for the younger crowd. The only downside, it seemed to take forever to bowl 1 game. We wanted the bumpers, but they were busy that night and not available.
We ended up the month with a trip to State College First Night program. This is a family friendly event put on to offer a New Year's Eve celebration without drinking. It is really talked up. We went to return Emily and see the ice sculptures. While I enjoyed it, I thought it would be more. Maybe if I would have paid the money for a button to see the paid events I would have been more impressed.

DC for a day

The World Engineering Energy Council was held in Washington DC this past December. Since Jim is an engineer that works for a company named Energycap it was only fitting that his company attend this event. The company had a chartered bus and families were invited to attend. Jim was required to attend the conference, after 10 minutes of Parker running from booth to booth I could see the conference was not going to work for us. So the boys and I ventured out to brave the subway in Washington DC and explore a museum.

I felt like a champ mastering the subway all by myself. Although it was a little spooky. Too many movies with scary subway scenes. The voice that announced the next stop was a mumbled one, so it was best to rely on the signs for the appropriate stop. As we exited the subway a nice man was handing out maps. I had confused mother or tourist written on my forehead. He gave his spiel and pointed us in the direction of the Smithsonian and then asked for money for his cause. I gave him a few dollars. I was grateful for the help, but at the same time a little embarrassed that I was paying for a free map.

We went to the museum of Natural History, we wanted to see the Dinosaurs. I toted my camera all over and only took a few pictures here at the Natural History. They had a coral display that was made from knitted or crocheted yarn. It was so beautiful and one would have to look twice to notice it wasn't the real deal.


When we had finished here, Jim was ready to meet us for lunch. We had a few suggestions of places, each place that we went to, I would peruse the menu and make a decision. I don't eat fried food, so we turned down several greasy spoons before finding a nice restaurant that seemed to have something both myself and the boys would eat.

We still had more time and decided to visit another museum. I don't remember the specific name, but it had all the 1st ladies ball gowns. We stayed until closing time. Then decided we would make the walk back to the bus. It was so cold and the walk seemed to go on forever. We even hit some less desirable spots of DC. In hind sight I think we should have taken the subway. We were the first ones back on the bus and the bus driver welcomed us on. We visited with him until the others started trickling in. It was a full day, but a good day. At least none of us had to endure the traffic and drive home, the bus driver did all of that.

Speaking of bus trips. I get motion sickness on buses. If I take Dramamine it knocks me out so much I might was well stay home and sleep. I discovered Bonine a less drowsy motion illness medicine. It worked like a charm. I was fine on the bus and still able to have energy to walk all through DC. Those bus trips to NYC are looking up now.

Dad

There is a primary song that goes, "I'm so glad when Daddy comes home, glad as I can be."

This song takes on new meaning when you are a stay at home Mom. It signals the cavalry coming to offer relief. There would now be a chance to make a phone call uninterrupted or to sneak in a little nap without having to worry about what one will wake up to. It also signals the relief that someone else is there to help with discipline or entertaining.

The boys get just as excited for this time of day as I do. They will often run and hide when they hear Dad's car pull into the driveway. I must admit that I never get the same sort of homecoming that Jim does. And the boys never seem to tire of Jim. Given the choice they will often choose to spend their time with him than me.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving appears to be the bigger holiday in my family. Not sure if it has anything to do with deer season being tagged on the end or what. This seems be the holiday that brings my siblings home. This past year was no different. In fact all 5 of us got to be together, which is kind of rare these days.

My brother Ben loves to hunt and loves to talk hunting, so it would only be natural for him to bring a friend home to come hunting. We loved this friend even more, because they shared a delicious chocolate tradition with us. A chocolate cornucopia filled with more chocolate goodies. It was wonderful.

Having all of the siblings home also meant that there would be a house full of grand kids. They loved dancing to music and playing together.

The kids had so much fun playing with each other.

When I was younger we ate Thanksgiving at several different tables around the room. We always had a "kids" table. Towards my latter years it was kind of dreaded to have to sit at the kids table, when one wanted to be apart of the adult conversation with the aunts and uncles that are so rarely scene. Plus those aunts and uncles always seemed to take quite an interest in my comings and goings. My Mom has a large table, but not big enough enough to accomdate everyone around the same table. Besides the kids seem wolf down the food and then there are vacant spots at the the table, so we use a kids table.


Deer season makes for a long weekend for me. I have never been one to get excited about hunting. Most schools in PA close down for the first day of the season because many students would end up taking off to hunt. Jim would often get wrapped in the excitement of hunting. Everyone works together to help each other out. They even plan to break for lunch together.

Oh and my sister brought home her roommate from Korea, so what was one more? I have to laugh though, She was a sweet girl, but would come and get a drink rinse out of the cup and put it back in the cupboard. I was constantly putting her cup in the dishwasher.